Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon behind the wheel of the new
Avengers movie? For TV fantasy fans, it’s a fantasy come true. But until this recent run of cinematic superhero triumphs, TV shows and movies based on Marvel Comics characters have flopped a lot more than they’ve soared…
The
X-Men and
Iron Man movie franchises, launched respectively in 2000 and 2008, showed how to do things right, with an entertaining mixture of action, character, spectacle, wit, drama, sex appeal and playful wonder. The new, just-released
Avengers movie continues that trend, another 21st-century hit.
But in the previous century, Marvel Comics superheroes weren’t so super in their TV and movie incarnations. While heroes from rival DC Comics launched one hit after another – from TV’s campy
Batman,
The New Adventures of Wonder Woman and
Adventures of Superman to the big-screen
Superman,
Batman and others – Marvel Comics rarely registered, much less stuck the landing.
I say this as a Marvel fan from childhood – one who snubbed DC’s heros and heroines in favor of Marvel’s more brooding, sarcastic crew. At one point in the mid-1960s, I had every edition of every Marvel Comics published up to that time, including the original appearance by Spider-Man and the first issues of
The Amazing X-Men,
The Fantastic Four and others.
I sold that collection, as a young teen, to a classmate named Randy Silverman for $75. I haven’t heard from him in more than 40 years, but I imagine him sleeping on some yacht, paid for and fueled by the resale of just a few of those original Marvel comics. Damn you, Randy Silverman.
But I digress.
Until
X-Men showed up in 2000 to do things right, Team Marvel basically had two claims to fame, and both were more cheesy than inspiring. There was, of course, the original
Spider-Man cartoon series from 1967-70. It was awful, but it had a theme song that somehow burrowed its way into your brain and stayed there.
Perhaps because it’s one of the all-time worst rhyming couplets in popular music:
“Is he strong? Listen, bud – He’s got radioactive blood!”
And if you think I’m making it up, just watch – and listen:
There’s also
The Incredible Hulk, the 1978-82 series starring Bill Bixby as the mild-mannered guy who, when angered, turns into Lou Ferrigno’s menacing Hulk.
Yes, Bixby tried to make it as serious and meaningful as he could, but sorry. All you have to do is watch a few minutes to realize how un-super this Marvel series really was, despite its successful run. Again, I offer an exhibit to the court, this time an early transformation from bullied David Bruce Banner (his name in the series) into the angry Hulk. If you’re honest, you won’t like him when he’s angry:
But wait, there’s more…
How about a made-for-TV
Captain America in 1990, starring Matt Salinger as the genetically modified action hero? This telemovie is really, really bad, but has one other distinction: It co-stars Ned Beatty and Ronny Cox, half of the ill-fated canoe vacationers in 1972’s
Deliverance. Here’s a taste – but it’s hardly a palate cleanser.
Another world-class clunker, this time from 1998, was a telemovie called
Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. In the new 2012 version of The Avengers, Fury is played by Samuel L. Jackson, reprising cameo roles from earlier films in this rebooted Marvel franchise.
But in 1998, the cigar-chomping Nick Fury was played by – honest – David Hasselhoff. And Lisa Rinna was his co-star. I know, you think I’m making this up. But here, as a taste, is Exhibit D.
Mark it D for Dumbfounded.
Nothing could be worse, right? Wrong.
In 1994, Roger Corman made a version of
The Fantasic Four so bad, it was never released. Never. Legend has it the movie wasn’t ever intended for release, just to secure and extend a copyright in a backstage legal battle over cinematic rights to characters (pictured in the photo above) and titles. I suspect that may just be an after-the-fact alibi, and one that doesn’t quite wash.