He is this generation's Norman Lear, the current King of TV Comedy, the writer/producer behind The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men and Mike & Molly, but at what price? As a writer/showrunner on Cybill, Roseanne and Grace Under Fire, the 58-year-old former musician has survived Roseanne, Cybill Shepherd and Brett Butler, three women who shaved years off his life.

Now he has to deal with Charlie Sheen. Here's how he dealt with him Monday night, on the end credit "vanity card" where he shares a sneak hidden rant each week with viewers (you can read all of them here):

"I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKGs and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

"If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed."