Feets Don't Fail Me Now -- And With "Jersey Shore," They Don't

By Bill Brioux

BEVERLY HILLS, CA -- The first of two cable network days got a slap upside the head Friday as the Jersey Shore cast was in the House. The Situation, Snooki, JWoww, Pauly D, Sammi, Hungadunga and McCormick all stood on stage throughout the entire session, prompting questions like: "Do any of you know why MTV didn't let you sit down?" (it had something to do, we learned later, with micro-skirts and wardrobe malfunctions) and, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Yes, critics are tired after 11 days of this nonsense, and people seemed pretty punchy. When the session ended, I wanted to rush the stage and get in on the "Snookie scrum," but my legs refused to carry me to the stage. It was like, with my brain already turned off and powered down (I think it might have shorted out during the Sister Wives session), my body was stepping in and overriding any remaining journalistic instinct.

Don't go, Bill, there is nothing to see here, resist temptation, move along...

Snooki is the Jersey Shore moppet with the high teased hair, squat torso and perma-tan. She drops so many kooky phrases she is coming out with a "Snooktionairy," she told us. It wasn't a joke.

"Snookin'," for example, is Snookese for "lookin'," as in, "I'm snookin' for love, I'm snookin' for a guy. If I snooked the night, then I took the night. Get it?"

Snooki, who couldn't stop touching her hair, talked about her recent arrest. "I was in the drunk tank for a little bit," she said. "I had too many tequilas."

"It happens," said Pauly D.

Afterwards, in the scrum (according to a colleague--again, my legs said no), Snooki was asked about president Obama going on The View and confessing that he is out of the Snooki loop. Snooki isn't buying it. "He knows," she said.

The Situation did most of the talking, insisting they were all the same kids they wuz before they wuz. Rob Salem of The Star, who'd had a smoke with the dude, called him on that, saying what about the $4 million GNC pill deal, etc. Situation insisted he was still Situation normal.

Finally, the gang was asked, now that they have this incredible platform, "what message do you have for the world?"

JWoww said "a shared house," Deena Nicole said "live life to the fullest" and DJ Pauly D said, "You will be surprised how entertaining you are just being yourself." The Situation said, "Be proud of who you are, black hair, white hair, blond hair. You know what I'm saying? Pretty much, that's about it."

The message I take from all of this: trust your legs. They know.

Later in the day, there was a press tour session with Tony Danza, who is starring in an upcoming A&E reality series called Teach: Tony Danza. The former Taxi and Who's The Boss? star goes back to school as a 10th-grade English teacher in a large urban Philadelphia high school.

Have to admit, I missed the session, but was tipped by Bill Harris at the Toronto Sun that 59-year-old actor had a great take on Jersey Shore. Here it is from the transcript:

"I think shows like Jersey Shore make it harder on teachers, in general. Every day I tell kids, 'Good behavior will pay off. Promise. Good behavior will pay off.' And then they go home and watch that show and say, 'Wait a minute. Mr. Danza, you're wrong. Bad behavior pays off.' So that's what I think. That's what really hurts us. By the way, that is where we get into the cultural end of this. What is our responsibility? We yell about bad schools and bad teachers and failing schools, and then we put shows on like that, that give the kids the wrong model, and then we're surprised when they act out."

Sounds like Mr. Danza's class is well worth taking. Teach: Tony Danza starts Friday, Oct. 1 on A&E.

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