Sorry, TV Land. It's over between you and me.
And that's sad, because I loved you like mad when you launched in 1996, suffused in affection for Our TV Heritage.
You brought back shows we hadn't seen in years -- everything from '50s monochrome delights like Sgt. Bilko [above] to '80s game-changers like Hill Street Blues, with treats like Flip Wilson's '70s variety hit or Anne Francis' groovy Honey West sleuthery in between. You ran shows from every TV genre, sprinkling them with cool vintage ads, calling them Retromercials. You even dug up nuggets like tube auteur Rod Serling's 1958 Time Element pilot that led to him getting the Twilight Zone series.
But now? Oh, the horror! In recent years, you've stuffed your lineup with shows we've seen 10,000 times already. (The Jeffersons? Please!) Gone are the obscurities. Gone, in fact, is practically everything that isn't a run-to-death sitcom. And then, you started making those original shows. C'mon now -- high school reunions and baby boomer supermodel contests?
But the final straw arrives Monday -- and it is soooo heavy, it doesn't just break the camel's back, it could also squish an elephant.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition takes over TV Land prime time Sept. 29-Oct. 5, from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. You're promoting this as The Extreme Makeover Takeover. You say (in the press release), "The show's theme of redemption and renewal resounds and deeply connects with our viewers in their 40s and 50s."
Yuck. Maybe on Oxygen. Or HGTV. Someplace else. Anyplace else! TV Land is supposed to be the home of "classic" TV shows, not product placement, not reality TV (unless it's an ancient episode of Queen for a Day or Real People), certainly not the flavor-of-the-moment. TV Land is for shows that are enduring, or influential, or quaint, or campy. Shows that changed the face of TV, took a snapshot of a bygone era, or made a potent pop culture splash.
I'm not the only one who feels this way, TV Land. Read your own online forums. Read the comment boards across the internet where onetime TV Land fans are blasting away. They're even turning to Amazon, for cripes' sakes, taking a moment out from ordering vintage show DVDs to locate the TV series forum headlined "The cable network TV Land: What ARE they doing?" They've only posted 393 enraged comments there so far this year.
Just like me, they used to loooove you, TV Land. The same way we loved your progenitor, Nick at Nite. Your channels radiated a winning personality that grabbed us, welcomed us, made us feel at home, and gave us a sense of ownership that today makes us feel all the more shafted. First Nick at Nite threw us over, and now you -- foregoing our intense loyalty to showcase flash and, frankly, trash that may attract passing viewers. Perhaps even more viewers, in passing. But soon they'll head on to the next fickle fun thing. And we former devotees will be long gone, to places more worthy of our spurned affections.
We sure won't be watching you, TV Land. Too bad, so sad.