[Bianculli here: Contributing writer Tom Brinkmoeller does two things in his latest column. One, he starts out by referring to my Extras, the in-jokes I collect that are hidden in TV shows -- which I mention only because, next week, I'm devoting a column to my favorite Extra in years (one which, so far, seems to have gone unnoticed).
Two, Tom asks for reader feedback by bribing you with the lure of a gift. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is it's a much better bribe than when I do it. How dare he offer up an out-of-print Beatles book, and act like it's no big deal? And all under the guise of presenting and gathering TV gripes.
But go ahead, read ahead, and play along. If I complain, it'll just sound like... sour gripes.
Second (In As Many Weeks) TV WORTH WATCHING Invitational
Many years ago, I learned many of the people who savor the Bianculli approach to television are active participants in what they read. David is a collector of what he calls "Extras" -- inside references hidden within a television show. (The final count is still out on whether he likes Extras more than he likes puns.)
And for years, his readers have happily collected and reported the obvious and the obscure Extras to him -- e.g., when Neil Patrick Harris' Barney character in How I Met Your Mother complained in a recent episode about the poor quality of today's child actors. (Old Doog yearns new slicks.) The Extras continue, by the way, on this very website, and you can find them by clicking HERE.
The continued reader loyalty showed up mightily last week when the owner of this space invited readers to guess the weekend take for Star Trek. Forty-one responses later, those of us who enjoy reading what all of you write had a better analysis of the film's chances than we would have, had we mainlined the Hollywood Reporter into our veins.
Riding that wave of involvement, and acknowledging that so much of TV WORTH WATCHING celebrates what's good about television, I'm inviting all of you to a grouse-along. TV, like a cheap wool suit, can irritate you with every move. Creative complaining about the irritant factor can be a powerful salve. You have shown yourselves to be a very thoughtful, very creative group. So how about putting on your Andy Rooney hats and scratching the medium back? I offer some examples:
If Geico really does offer the lowest car insurance price, how much lower would that cost be if the company didn't spend so much on commercial time?
Why would anyone want to watch another TV series that features an obnoxious cook? On-air promos for TLC's Cake Boss has the starring chef telling staff the orders come from God's lips to his ears. Another shows him pouring a large amount of flour from the top of a building onto an employee. Does a 40-watt IQ and high propensity to abuse your employees equal a killer TV formula? Makes you wonder if offers of a series haven't gone out to Osama bin Laden.
A yogurt brand brags about its "bifidus regularis" ingredient. Do you also think you first saw that phrase when it was supered onto the screen of a Road Runner cartoon as the scientific name for a coyote?
Why do advertisers think an English accent will make American television watchers all the more eager to buy an overpriced broom or a device that scrapes dead skin off of feet? If it works, does this explain the Simon Cowell phenomenon?
Has anyone else sworn never to buy an Oreo Minicakester because of the way women are portrayed as mindless, screaming sweets predators in the product's commercials?
Does Billy Mays scream all his conversations? If so, do you think his kids let him wish them goodnight? Is the most-mellow-voiced Empire Today announcer still working his way out a '60s lid of unbelievable grass? (Don't buy the hemp carpeting, just in case.)
Now it's your turn. Last time, Bianculli offered a prize to the person who came closest to the box-office take. I have a prize to offer, too: A review copy of the 1984 (paperback) The Long and Winding Road--A History of the Beatles on Record (it still has the publisher's press release tucked inside). A semi-worthless prize, to be sure, but I said goodbye to all my shlock from the networks about three moves ago.
Like the examples, keep your offerings as concise as possible. Judging will be totally subjective, and by me, and extra points may be awarded for creative incorporation of puns into the grouse. Or may not.
And one last thought: Since so many weight-loss commercials superimpose the disclaimer "Results not typical" over a tiny part of the screen, does your mind do evil things to you when you imagine what "typical" is?
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I, like Peter Sellers' Chauncey Gardner character in the film Being There, unapologetically "like to watch." My almost-a-geezer status gives me more time than ever to watch the lesser-hyped areas of television, where I often find some wonderful gems. Sharing those finds is even more fun than watching.